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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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