you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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