Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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