All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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