I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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