Cold hands, warm shart.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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