Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize