I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize