My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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