I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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