I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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