so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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