Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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