you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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