i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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