My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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