you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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