Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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