Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize