i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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