You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize