dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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