no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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