hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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