I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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