my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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