k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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