i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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