if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize