You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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