Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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