the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
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so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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