how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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