FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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