I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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