Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize