Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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