eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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