Cold hands, warm shart.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
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i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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