Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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