Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize