i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize