Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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