what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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