First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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