How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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