end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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