The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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