I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize