sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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